French Logic.

Dear France,

I’m writing to you to ask if it were possible for you to explain to me certain things I have noticed you doing that I, an anglo-saxon, do not understand.  I write to you with an open mind, I’m not here to judge you and am sure that there is in fact method to your madness that I am simply missing.

First of all, may I enquire as to why, as a first world, developed country, you feel the need to stop everything on a Sunday.  I mean everything.  I hope you are aware that people do need food on a Sunday and although I’m all for a lazy, duvet day, it’s nice to know that if I want my lazy day to be on a Saturday, I can do so without panicking that I have no milk to last until Monday.  In short, Paris, it would be nice to know that I can have my lazy day of the week whenever I want, not when you think it should be.

Continuing with days of the week, would it be possible for you to explain to me why you think it’s logical to have a weekly Navigo pass that is only valid from Monday-Monday. Again, can I not choose when my week starts and ends?  Of course, you have reason in believing that most people’s weeks begin on a Monday.  I do not, however, want to feel that if I top up my weekly Navigo on a Thursday, I will have to top up again on a Monday because according to Paris, my week ended on Sunday.  The weekend, yes, but I fear you may have taken it all a bit too literally.

All in all, your metro system works a charm and I cannot and will not complain. Nevertheless, I do feel you should know it’s not really acceptable to change whether an escalator is going up or down depending on how you’re feeling that day.  When I’m rushing to work at 7am I do not want the added challenge of picking the correct escalator with the risk of being thrown back as I incorrectly opt for the escalator that, yesterday, went down and today takes commuters up.

Furthermore, and this is just a brief point, when you do that thing that you love so much, you know, striking, would it be possible to not plaster your screens at the trains station with the phrase “un mouvement social“.  It winds me up.  There is a distinct lack of movement of society because of your day off.  Perhaps if you could revise the wording of your notices, I would be slightly more accommodating towards your numerous strikes.

I know you love to strike, I think I admire you for it in some respects.  However, can you please not pretend it’s because you care that much about the fact you’re having to retire when you’re 35.  It’s a hard life and it owes you nothing.  People are living longer, it makes sense.  Please just admit that you are striking because you cannot be bothered going to work.  I would be more supportive in your quest if this were the case.

I also love the fact that you award yourself a bank holiday on 11th November.  I’m not annoyed by this at all, but as this letter is simply a request to clear things up, I would really like to know what makes you think you deserve a day off for the World War when other countries manage with a simple 2 minute silence.

Why do you have so many different types of yoghurt!?

Lastly, as I don’t want to feel like I’m getting at you, a quick query about your keyboards. In what world do people use the semi-colon more than the full stop?  It’s really not efficient for me to have to press the shift key every time I wish to end my sentences.  I think from this letter alone, one can see that the full stop is a much more popular punctuation mark than that of the semi-colon.

I look forward to hearing from you and appreciate any light you are able to shed on these queries of mine.  Of course, today is a Sunday and you will be closed but get back to me when you can.  If you’re not on strike.

Kind regards and bisous,
Thornley

xxx

4 thoughts on “French Logic.

  1. i heart you. i cant wait to come and stuff my face with bread and cheese and see these key boards and travel on the metro and do nothing on a sunday <3

  2. I hope France answers your letter, but by the way: don’t Veterans deserve November 11th to be a holiday in their honor? It is Veterans’ Day in the USA, and anywhere else it is Remembrance Day… For those who do get paid holidays (not me), it is a nice extra day off!

    • I think I’m with France on this one! Maybe I need to send another letter, to England this time, asking why they’re so mean with their Bank Holidays. Still no reply from France yet, they do like to take their time though.

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